


Pardon

by Elisexyz



Series: We could build a house [2]
Category: Black Sails
Genre: Canon Compliant, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, M/M, Post-Canon
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-07-17
Updated: 2019-07-17
Packaged: 2020-05-18 21:36:30
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,125
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/19343122
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Elisexyz/pseuds/Elisexyz
Summary: The first time that James actually opens up about the time they spent apart, it's after a fight.





	Pardon

**Author's Note:**

> This will probably make a little more sense if you have read "Edge" first, it gives more context (like. emotional context. the setting is pretty much "they escaped the plantation to live happily ever after, bye").  
>  Enjoy!

It starts with a conversation like many others, with his past as a pirate captain coming up and Thomas asking a question. James answers it, with the smallest amount of information that he can, and then he promptly tries to change the subject. This time, Thomas tries to press. Things escalate rather quickly.

“I am _not_ some broken little thing that can’t handle the truth beyond a few careful words,” Thomas eventually yells, his cheeks burning in outrage. “You think I haven’t heard of Captain Flint? You don’t think I can imagine what it is that you did?”

James doesn’t muster up a good answer to that quickly enough. At this point, Thomas is towering over him without even trying, too angry to leave him enough room to speak just yet.

“ _I_ have told you what happened to me!” he protests then, and the look of hurt on his face makes James’ stomach clench.

“It isn’t a lack of trust—”

“What then?!”

James gives an helpless shrug. “I— things _happened_ to you, Thomas. I _did_ things. It’s different.”

That at least gives him pause, if only for a moment. “I told you, I’ve heard—”

“Yes, but you don’t _know_ ,” James stresses, his voice raising in volume as he gets more desperate for him to understand what he’s trying to say. “You can imagine, but you don’t _know_ what I was like. And I’d rather keep it that way.”

“So what you are asking of me is pretending like nothing happened?” Thomas scoffs, crossing his arms tightly. “Shall I pretend like Lieutenant McGraw only came back from a long travel with a new haircut and a world more of scars, perhaps?”

“That isn’t what I’m asking—”

“Isn’t it?”

Maybe it is, James quietly admits to himself. And would that be so bad, after all?

His silence must be answer enough, because Thomas only shakes his head and walks out, shooting him a look of raw hurt and disappointment.

_Fuck_.

It is ruined at last.

 

 

James isn’t sure where it is that Thomas went to take a walk, but he is gone for hours.

Those hours James spends worrying that he is not coming back at all, the panic chocking him every few seconds and the minutes seemingly stretching forever. He is terrified enough that he swears on every god he knows that if Thomas will just be back he will talk, he _will_ , he will lay it all out and just pray that it won’t do more damage than his silence.

Thomas does come back.

He still looks tense and he doesn’t seem to want to look at him in the eye, but he comes back, and James barely resists the urge to pull him into an embrace and sob in relief.

Instead, he sits quietly, waiting for Thomas to join him.

He eventually does, grabbing a book as if to say that he has no interest in resuming their conversation – that is a lie, James knows it.

“I— for a moment, I thought you wouldn’t be back,” James confesses, quietly, and that seems to attract Thomas’ attention: he looks up, taken aback for a moment, and he presses his lips together.

“Of course I came back,” he says, his voice a little too tight to be properly reassuring. “This is my home, isn’t it?”

James only nods under his gaze, trying to find it in him to honour his promise and start talking, but he keeps silent, and Thomas eventually goes back to his book.

He isn’t sure how many minutes have passed when he finally finds the voice to speak. He starts with the story of how he chose his new name, as to make Thomas understand why he is so terrified of bringing _him_ into this, why he thinks that Captain Flint should just disappear into nothingness.

Thomas listens intently, not interrupting once, only speaking when James pauses, breathing through the terror of the waiting.

“Well,” he says, leaning slightly forward. “That was rather optimistic of you.”

James frowns. “Beg your pardon?”

He smiles slightly. “Believing that, after all this time, you could simply erase everything that you’ve become, make ten years of your life sink into the sea without a word. Captain Flint is a part of you, whether you want him to be or not, you cannot drown him.”

_Fucking watch me_ , James can’t help thinking. Except it hasn’t worked out too well so far, has it?

“I don’t believe that you’d like the person I’ve become,” he finally says, with no little shame hidden in his voice.

Thomas snorts. “I highly doubt you could ever change _that_ much.”

That drags a small smile out of James, because it is such a _Thomas_ thing to say that it brings him back to simpler times, if only for a moment.

“I would ask you, please, to trust me when I say that I’d like to get to know that part of you as well. I can _see_ that you’ve changed, I see it every day, but I would still like to hear from your own mouth how that came to be. I promise there is nothing you could say that would make me love you any less.”

James trusts him, he _does_ , he knows that Thomas _means_ it, he just doesn’t think that he understands the extent of his crimes. He fears that he might change his mind once he does.

His doubt must show on his face, because Thomas’ expression softens, and he gets closer, sitting at the edge of his seat.

“Do you need me to draft you an official pardon beforehand?” he asks, his tone perfectly serious, even though James can detect the barely contained smile on his face. “I could do that. You know how much I like my pardons.”

James shakes his head slightly, a bit of the tension leaving his shoulders as he hears the unspoken reminder: _I was once ready to pardon all of the pirates in Nassau, regardless of their crimes, why wouldn’t I offer a second chance to_ you _among all of them?_

Under Thomas’ expectant but encouraging gaze, he somehow manages to start talking.

 

 

It slowly gets easier, after the first time.

James’ fear of getting swallowed back into his past whenever he opens his mouth about it subdues a little more every time he recalls some tale about his life at sea and Thomas grins, shaking his head slightly and saying something as simple as: “You always did have a bit of a temper.”

Those comments make him feel like, after all, these years might not have made him into someone that Thomas could never recognize, let alone love.

Like perhaps things are truly going to be alright, in the end.

**Author's Note:**

> This story is part of the [LLF Comment Project](https://longlivefeedback.tumblr.com/llfcommentproject), which was created to improve communication between readers and authors. This author invites and appreciates feedback, including: 
> 
>   * Short comments
>   * Long comments
>   * Questions
>   * “<3” as extra kudos
>   * Reader-reader interaction
> 

> 
> If you don’t want a reply, for any reason, feel free to sign your comment with “whisper” and I will appreciate it but not respond!


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